I need this

After a couple of years, I've decided to give this another go. Mind you, I've no idea how long this will last - maybe just this post?

I have so many thoughts that I feel I need to externalise them to keep from imploding.

So I finished a degree last year in Theology. Wow that's impressive. And I loved it - I found that I love learning, that I love writing, that I love teaching and discussion. I have also deepened a love, an adoration and fascination with Jesus, "the Word around which the world whirls" (ish).

I have a mind that constantly thinks and searches for meaning... and I've been finding a lot of foolishness, a lot of meaninglessness.

And I'm frustrated.

I currently work two jobs for The Salvation Army, I attend church with The Salvation Army. We do some very good work, and we have some good people. But too much of the time we are simply a frustrating joke to me, too blind to see our own Story of Jesus (not the Booths) for the incredible hope and mystery that it is.

And money... money. It enslaves my imagination and all those around me. I'm so tired of it. Student loan... travel... mortgage... retirement...

Something that I've struggled with for years now... is a dangerous thing to talk about. Hey, I'm supposed to be that guy who has God stuff and meaning-of-life stuff sorted... so what does this mean:

I believe in the Kingdom Come
When all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
But yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds
And you loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Oh my shame
You know I believe it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for